Week 6: Learning To Parent The Captain Child (Adapted from Building
Families For Life)

Ah... this one I've got first hand experience. I mentioned in my last
post that we think that Sophie is a Captain Clown. In the early years,
the Captain traits in her were really strong especially in comparison
to her best friend Evan who is so sweet and easy going. I'm not sure
if it was just a developmental stage or that both James and I were
novice parents totally baffled by our really smart and super
opinionated child.

However, once Sophie got past the terrible
twos/threes/fours.., you get the idea, she kinda settled more into a
Clown than a pure Captain.

So why do we need to understand their personalities? I think in
understanding their personalities, we begin to understand their
greatest loves, fears and motivating factors. This can really help us
in our parenting. And it gives us a glimpse into the person that God
has made them to be and how He has gifted them. God has made every
child different and it's our job as parents to discover that and
nurture our children to fulfill the purpose of that difference. We
want our children to "make a difference" right? How one earth do they
"make that difference" if we expect them to be the same as their friend?

A Captain child is very special and could be God's instrument to
change the world thru his/her leadership.

A Captain feels that they really belong when they are in control.
Control is a BIG thing. A Captain will get control by using anger or
leadership.

Your Captain child is a strong-willed child, full of energy,
adventure, impatience and born to lead. As children, they can be very
hard work for the parents, but as adults they have a lot of promise to
be good leaders. If discouraged, they will try to become the "Boss" in
the family. If they are sure of your constant love, the battles will
be small.

Tools to Help
1. This child needs adventure and things that are hard or risky to do.
(E.g challenges, constantly teach them new things, give them projects
to accomplish, support their random ideas e.g. A friend of ours had
their 5 year old boy plan for his own sweet shop and sold sweets on
the base coz it was his own idea.)

2. Parenting needs to be firm and the same every day. This will help
the child with self control. Give only one command at a time and give
clear instructions and give a consequence if it is not obeyed. (As
soon as Sophie knows we are wavering between two opinions, she'll
strike! Very smart this one. Gotta nip it at the bud. Once she could
read, we wrote the rules down and she surprising sticks to it and
refers to them constantly.)

3. Keep your Captain child busy and give them responsibilities. (This
is what we had to work hard to do. But once Levi came along, Sophie
easily took on the role of Big Sister and loves "bossing" him around.
Whenever she can decide about things, we let her. We try to choose our
battles.)

4. Be sure to offer good clear reasons so that they understand what it
is you want from them, otherwise they may rebel. (Communication and
explanations are very important for Sophie.)

5. Respect your Captain child's need for fairness, justice and be open
and honest. (This is big for Sophie. She's big on injustice. We need
to be very careful on this one. If we reprimand her wrongly and didn't
hear her side of her story, she'll get really upset. On the other
hand, once she knows the rules, she is rather law abiding!)

6. Use situations when your Captain child is hurt or disappointed as a
way to help them understand what it is like for others when they are
hurt. If they develop tenderness, they will be less likely to bully or
bossy.

My thoughts

The temptation with parenting Captain kids is to lose patience through
anger or give in through compromise. James and I have done that so
many times. Homeschooling actually helps me because I'm forced to plan
the days and I do all I can to keep Sophie occupied and learning. The
routine that is in place helps to reduce the battle of wills - we just
stick to the plan and Sophie knows the drill. And on days when I'm
tired, I'm glad I have a plan to stick to rather than try to figure
out what to do on the spot.

For new situations, one thing that really helps is for me to brief
Sophie of the plan (e.g. before we leave the house/about the next day)
and talk through her concerns and my expectations of her.

I'm really still feeling my way around here and learning. Pls do share
your thoughts and insights!

(Btw, I forgot to mention this in my earlier posts. Pls do not copy from these posts because a lot of it has been adapted from Building Families For Life. We are trained to use this material and are allowed to teach and use them. So if you wanna quote, pls let me know first.)

For the first time, we had a combined learning time with Grace's kids
- Faith (10), Julia (7) and Gabe (5). Grace's friend Sheila is a
missionary in Nigeria. She works as a teacher's trainer so she came
equipped with stories, videos, photos, instruments and even
traditional costumes to share about Nigeria! It was so fun. In the
picture above, she's reading a lovely story called Catch The Goat to
the children. Even Levi was participating.

Then the kids "flew" in an airplane to Nigeria to learn about the
people and their culture. Sophie's favorite part was trying on all the
clothes and fabrics.

A peek into our homeschooling "board" - we've been learning the
different categories of animals - mammals, insects, birds, etc...

I love how Sophie draws but they are so unlike anything I've seen!
Here's a bird, flying towards you!

This is James' book but we're reading it.

Some other materials we use. I Heard Good News Today: Stories For
Children is a compilation of short stories about inspiring people like Louis Braille (who
invented the Braille Alphabets for the blind) and missionaries like St
Augustine. It's great but no pictures (warning!). We've been learning about France so we read about Louis Braille this week. We also read Different Like Coco, a book about Coco Chanel which I borrowed from the library. Sophie LOVED it. Anything about fashion she loves!
Her comment was "but I still prefer fancy clothes!" ha! Coz Chanel was the one who transformed fancy fashion to dull black and no frills in her day. Sophie loves her frills. :)

For Math, we use a book from Popular. I like lah, systematic and lots
of practice. She's learning to read time.

We baked bread, part of her Science experiment to see what yeast does.

And other experiments. She can do this all day long. Might consider
getting her a microscope for Christmas this year. Which reminds me I
need to sign up for Science World membership!

Looking back, it was quite a full week! :) That in addition to her
Chinese class, Art class, sewing and outdoor fun, I'd say she's had a
full on learning time this week.

I used to literally cry when I had to sew for Home Economics class.
Like real tears. My grandma used to complete my pieces for me, don't
tell my teacher.

How come no one taught us to sew these cute things instead?!?!

Sophie completed this with my help in 2 days. She begged me to start
on it and then after a couple of stitches, she was done and over to
me. Sigh. But nope, I refused! So she continued the next day and more
or less completed it. We stuffed it and I helped sew up the rest. Easy
peasy!

Who did she give it to? At first she wanted to make it for Benji (our
friend's son), then I mentioned that it was Yiyi's birthday, so she
said Yiyi and finally she decided to give it to.......... DADDY!

And guess what? After the first night, she told her dad she needed to
take care of Lulu. It's still Daddy's but she will take care of it. :)
Guess it's a bit hard to let go since she spent so much effort on it.
Wonder if she'll make another. Maybe I'll make one myself :).

Vancouver rains A LOT. So when the sun is out, we are definitely out
of the house.

We love going to the park near our home.

It's a little different now that Levi can walk.

And nope, he doesn't like swings.

It's my baby sister's birthday today. She turns...... 20 something.
Cannot reveal ah....

Rach is a good 14 years younger than me. Even though we are almost a
generation apart and miles apart (she lives and works in Brisbane),
I'm so thankful that at one of the most important pivotal points of
her life during these couple of days, we can talk and share (via
Skype, that is).

I love how candid she is and definitely a Miss Sunshine!

What a blessing you are to me my dear sister and I miss you SO MUCH!
Happy Birthday and May the Lord bless you and keep you close to Him!

We did the usual! We always have guests over on the eve for steamboat.
We have been doing that the past 2 years. I so love that our
mid-century Danish made table opens up to sit 10! The kids were meant
to sit at the coffee table but they wanted in on the fun too so we
squeezed everyone in and some of us were standing. But it was all fun!

The prep - I actually found longans and kway teow!

Our Friends

And we had another round on the first day of CNY with some new friends
who are new to Vancouver. But I forgot to take pictures, only what's
left after!

I think the hotpot is fantastic! Think we'll use it more often esp
when it's cold and when I'm too lazy to cook. :)

Week 5: Understanding Our Children's Personality

This was one of my favorite topics and very helpful for us to
understand Sophie and learnt how to parent her effectively. For this
post, I'm adapting from my text book - Building Families For Life. We
do these 8 sessions over a period of a week but it can be condensed if
required. "Understanding Personality" is one of the sessions. The
others include My Childhood Family, How Does My Family Relate?,
Growing and Learning, Really Loving Your Children, Setting Clear
Limits, Keeping Boundaries In A Loving Way and Restoring
Relationships. We also have them in Chinese. We've been trained to
teach and facilitate these and love to share if given the opportunity.

Each person has their own character, but that doesn't mean that they
will always be that way. The way we act or react in most situations is
our personality. So if we mostly take charge of situations we may be a
Captain, if we don't take things very seriously or treat them as
important we may be a Clown, if we are strong about doing things a
certain way, and are tidy people, we may be a Busy Bee, and if we
worry about how other people might be feeling we are possibly a big
soft Teddy Bear.

Captain
1. Is not scared of trying new things
2. Quickly decides what to do, can lead and organize people
3. Is serious about what has to happen
4. Likes winning/hate to lose
5. Gets impatient with others, doesn't like saying "sorry"
6. Likes direction, not demands. Give choices instead.
7. Enjoys being in control.

Clown
1. Takes over conversations. Makes up stories. Likes fun rather than work.
2. Makes friends easily. Likes to perform on stage.
3. Is creative and colorful, energetic and funny.
4. A happy child that sees the good in everything. Inspires others.
5. Hate deadlines and boring activities, is easily distracted. Forgets
and makes excuses.
(More info: makes a joke when you are trying to be serious, tends to
tell lies when they are young, then to have a lot of friends but have
shallow relationships)

Busy Bee
1. Is neat and tidy, places toys neatly in rows. Like to do things right.
2. Does well in school. Does homework on time.
3. Asks a lot of questions. Talented and creative.
4. Makes friends cautiously, doesn't like to take risks.
5. A good listener, afraid of criticism, cries easily.
6. Often feels not good enough. Easily discouraged when things don't work out
7. Likes things done the same way. Sticks with something until it's done.
8. Likes details.
(More info: If you promise something, they'll hold you to it. Read
instructions.)

Teddy Bear
1. Always loyal and faithful to friends, and a good listener
2. Likes to help others, and feels sad when others are hurt.
3. Doesn't like arguments
4. Is kind and wants to please.
5. Completes schoolwork on time but doesn't look for exra work.
6. Doesn't like big changes.
7. Easy going and relaxed.

It's amazing how you can see these little personalities developing
even from a young age. I remember a friend's daughter who will line
the shoes up at creche and when it's time to go, brings the shoes to the
child it belongs to! Sophie's NEVER done that before! I found that
fascinating! But I can see Levi doing that because he loves to clean
up! Definitely a busy bee. Sophie is a full on clown personality. We
worked out that she is probably a Captain Clown. Sometimes they can
have a mix of two strong personalities. In fact, as I'm typing it out,
I'm going... oh, she is so Clown!

Sometimes during the workshop, we divide the class up into their
personality types to discuss for example "What would you do if you had
$1, 000, 000?" and it is HILARIOUS to observe. The captains are always
almost close to fighting (in a fun way, i mean) because everyone want
to have a say and they are quite loud. The Teddy Bears are having a
break for tea, slouching and enjoying their conversations. The Busy
Bees get right on it, are taking notes, being super organized and
normally makes the safe and logical decisions. The Clowns are ALWAYS
LAUGHING and definitely the loudest.

Amazing how God's made us all different :)

Can you see yourself or your children in these descriptions?

I'll follow up with how to best parent these different personalities next week.

Funny how being away from home has brought out the ching chiong
(chinese) ness in us. Once again, we're going all out this year. Just
got ourselves a steamboat appliance. Can't wait for the feast tomorrow
night!

The goodies and mandarins
These are the ones we got here. My MIL has sent us some goodies from
home even before I asked! They won't be in time for our guests
tomorrow night but it'll be in time for us! :) Yay!

The decorations

Oh yes, and some lanterns made by us

For those at home, we miss you and wish you Happy Chinese New Year. Eat lots!!!

We've been teaching Sophie this Chinese New Year song!

Mei tiao da jie xiao xiang
Mei ge ren di zhui li
Jian mian di yi ju hua
Jiu shi gong xi gong xi

Gong xi gong xi gong xi ni ya
Gong xi gong xi gong xi ni
Gong xi gong xi gong xi ni ya
Gong xi gong xi gong xi ni

每 条 大 街 小 巷
每 个 人 的 嘴 里
见 面 第 一 句 话
就 是 恭 喜 攻 喜

恭 喜 恭 喜 恭 喜 你 呀
恭 喜 恭 喜 恭 喜 你
恭喜 恭 喜 恭 喜 你 呀
恭 喜 恭 喜 恭 喜 你

Before we came to Vancouver, everyone was back home. Rachel was back
from Brissy. My parents were back from Brazil. Our whole family in one
country. Super rare.

It was a bit of a last minute decision to get everyone together to
take a family portrait but I'm so glad we did it. And I'm so glad we
did it with Wesley. We have been such old friends that it just felt
like family. So relaxed and fun. It shows in the pictures. This is not
Wes' usual style. He normally does black and white and much more stylo
and stated. Think my wedding pictures. But I think he made an
exception for us. Yellow was great! :) I think we're quite a yellow family.

A photo with my parents and siblings, all grown up :)

I thought I'll post these pictures up before you see them somewhere
else, other than on FB. We've just given away rights for someone else
to use it.